4 days to go..
I have intense mixed feelings about moving back to Saudi Arabia (as you have all gathered, I’m sure). I will miss the familiar life I’ve built in Montreal, and my friends, and the leaves of the Fall, and my walks by the canal; my absolute favorite place here, graffiti and all.
At the same time, I miss my country, my family, my language. I miss the feeling of unquestionably belonging to the patch of earth beneath my feet, and to the people long buried beneath that patch of earth. I feel an almost urgent need to reconnect with the land and my identity. to lie down in the dust and rub my tired cheeks on the scorching desert sand.
An immigrant once told me, the moment you cross the ocean, you are always on the wrong side..I feel that way sometimes. Whenever I am in one place I long for the idealized other.
Although this tends to pull my heart strings in separate directions, I’d never have it any other way. I’m so lucky to love and be loved by so many people in many places, and to know that although I don’t own a house anywhere, There are many homes in both countries that would open for me, if ever I knocked on your door ( right? 😅)
Montreaaaaal! I found a part of myself by your canal. I built a part of myself in your mosques, and I’m leaving a part of myself in your river. I love you. I love your people. You have been so good to me, and I will do everything I can to come back 🙂